Living in Fear

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.” Quote from the movie Shawshank Redemption

Choosing to Not Be Afraid

Fear. I’ve always despised it. As a kid, I always thought one of the worst things you could be in our family was a sissy. It’s not politically correct anymore to talk about being a sissy, but growing up in the 70’s and 80’s with Jose and Pat as parents, it was nonetheless real. 

No Whining or Victims Allowed

Neither one of my parents tolerated being afraid, whining or victimhood of any kind.

Afraid to taste a new food? Stop acting like a baby. Fell down and scraped your knees? Shake it off. Slipped off the branch of the tree you weren’t supposed to be climbing in the first place? That’s what you get. Got beaten up by some bully kid? First, did you start the fight? No? Good—the thing to do then is to learn from it and next time, finish the fight. Don’t want to try something new because you might not be good at it? You better go over there and do it right now. Some kid doesn’t like you? Got picked last for the team? Who cares. You don’t need them anyway, because in the grand scheme of things, those things aren’t that important. Ugliest girl in school making fun of you for being poor? Imagine how hard a time she has every day, just ignore her and keep any hate you have in your heart. Want revenge against someone who made you mad or did you wrong? Don’t waste your thoughts on them, they aren’t worth your time…besides, what comes around goes around, their own misery will catch up to them in life.

And on, and on. I mean, seriously. I could go on and on!

I can practically hear my mom and dad’s voices as I typed the words above.

At any rate, we couldn’t play the victim – even if it was justified. I mean, a lot of the time it probably was justified. Bigoted teacher in a 4th  grade Lubbock classroom? Show her how smart you are.

Oops, I told you I could keep going. 

Grateful

But really, I am grateful for growing up that way. What good does being a victim do? Does it change anything? Maybe for a moment when a good punch in the face to the deserved bully brings the kind of satisfaction only a kid can experience. Actually, victimhood aside, I am still on the side of bullies getting their butts kicked. Another kid kicking their butt in elementary school may just keep them from wielding a gun in high school and shooting anyone in their sight. Perhaps this is a topic for a future blog post.

Back to Fear…

Back to fear. As I mentioned, I’ve always despised it. Because I got no reward for being afraid or being a victim growing up probably has a lot to do with it, but I also kind of despise being weak. Not legitimate physical weakness where facts are facts (my husband is stronger than I am, it’s just the way it is), but mental weakness where one caves under pressure or can’t get past one thing to do another thing. Or allows someone else to make them feel inferior or makes them feel like a victim of circumstance.  

Now, make no mistake, I’m not perfect. I do have fear, I do have weaknesses, and I do occasionally whine. But I always regret it and I don’t thrive in it. To me, living in fear, allowing fear to stop you from fully living life, is a personal sin against one’s self far greater than just about any other I can imagine. 

Lately though, I seem to be in the minority in this way of thinking. If my dad were still alive, he’d tell me there’s nothing new about people being too afraid to live; he’d remind me that it’s always been a few brave souls dragging along the reluctant, the scared, the truly vulnerable. Or it’s been the indifferent souls, walking to the beat of their own drum, living life on their own terms, not caring what others think or say. He’d probably be right, but luckily my dad didn’t have to live through this pandemic because even his philosophical patience would have been tested.

The Pandemic

Pandemic. What a word. This time last year, barely a known word or at least one that was often uttered aloud by normal folks. This time last year, normal people went about their lives not even knowing that they’d soon be too afraid to leave their homes, go to work, hug their loved ones, breathe as a human being is intended to breathe (you know, with their face uncovered…), shop for food, explore the world…you name it, they’d soon be too afraid to do it. They were going about their lives not even knowing that normal everyday tasks would soon be deemed too dangerous or that they’d be made to feel guilty if they rebelled and did any of the above with indifference, or worse: with freedom, confidence and self-responsibility.

Whether you’re on Team Fauci or Team Someone-Else’s-Science or Team Government-Should- Mind-Their-Own-Business isn’t really the real point of why I’m writing—although I’m sure you know whose team or teams I’m on—but rather I’m writing because how disappointed I am in how easy it was for everyone to be convinced that they should be afraid.

Have people died? Yes. Is it more dangerous for some than it is for others? Yes. But so are lots of things. There are entire ethnic groups that have issues dealing with sugar and carbohydrates (especially when mixed together) where the result is almost always obesity, type 2 diabetes and heart disease and ultimately death. Preventable death. 

This Just In: Life is Scary

Every year, the elderly and the ill are more vulnerable than others to the common cold and winter flu. I know, there is the argument that this latest pandemic is oh, so contagious. Maybe. And yes. Of course it’s contagious, it’s a virus.

A virus we haven’t seen before, and yes, a virus that seems to take a heavier toll on certain people more than it does on others. But being afraid if you aren’t in those categories makes no sense to me or to the statistics (you know, the science). Knock yourself out if you do want to be afraid of your own accord. Like I said, freedom and self-responsibility. But don’t expect everyone else to be afraid along with you.

More people died wearing masks during stay-at-home (or be-afraid) orders than did without and before. Because that’s how pandemics work. They take their toll as viruses do, not as people or politicians wish them to do or not to do. Ultimately, you live through it with nothing more than the memory of it, or you don’t because you weren’t going to make it very long anyway.

Is that harsh? Yes. Is it sad? Yes. Is it scary? Yes. But so is life, and living life in a pandemic is no different. Herd immunity has to take effect. It’s sad and maybe even cruel, but it’s another one of those scary facts of life. A fact that doesn’t care about masks or orders or power-hungry politicians opting for more power and control. 

Choose to Live

So, what’s a disappointed girl to do during a once in a century pandemic where most people are afraid they might die? She lives. She enjoys everything she can that is in her control to actually enjoy.

She enjoys all the moments and all the adventures and all the knowledge and all the experiences that not even the slimiest of politician or whiniest victim can take away.

She lives her life fully knowing that a pandemic could take it all away. Or maybe a car accident will take it all away, or a disease that comes from all of the other life choices she’s made along the way. Maybe it’ll be a murderer or a poisonous snake or she’ll fall down a flight of stairs and break her neck.

Maybe she’ll die in a plane crash on a trip that she shouldn’t have taken anyway because there’s a pandemic underway. 

No matter, she’s not dead yet. So, she better be living. Because life is meant to be lived, not to be feared.

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships were built for.” ~John A. Shedd

Get busy enjoying life, amigos. Even now.

Especially now.